I am a child of God, a daughter, a sister, a wife and mother of three. It's a struggle trying to live up to the world's standards... Oh wait I only have to live for an audience of One.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
"Mommy Watch!" is what my daughter says to me a million times a day. Ok, that number may be a little high but if you are a mom of young kids you understand my need to exaggerate. When she hollered "mommy watch" this morning it was to show me how she was going to jump from one step in the pool to the next. Now I'm gonna be honest, it was not an impressive jump at all. It wasn't challenging, life threatening, creative or funny. I'm not honest all the time so I said "good job, I love watching you have fun in the water". I was very sweet and supportive of my children, especially at the age of three. I laughed as I sat by the edge of the pool and then thought " God, do I say the same thing to you?". Hmmmm....guilty!
God began to slowly (and gently) remind me of moments where I have said "God watch!". Going to church sometimes I will catch myself thinking " ok Lord, I'm gonna need some brownie points today because I am tired and the kids are driving me crazy but we are still headed to church" or "Did you see that Lord I volunteered and you know I don't even like kids". The one that really made my stomach turn was when I give financially. It's like I need to make sure He sees that I did the "right" thing and wrote my check. I am grateful for these moments of correction. He is so good to expose my heart issues and the selfishness I need to remove. So after God reminded me of my "God watch!" moments I heard Him say " my child I'm not impressed either". Then this verse came to mind "We have all become like the one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away" Isaiah 64:6.
My spiritual immaturity was showing up, like a child I was needing recognition. Like my three year old I wanted the world to revolve around me. That's not something that you have to teach a three year old. The selfishness comes easy and it's teaching them to think of others that's hard. It's a constant battle to fight my flesh. Some times I just want a reward or maybe just to check it off my list of accomplishments. I love to check things off a list. Makes me feel like I am awesome. I got this all wrong. God doesn't want me to do things out of rewards and recognition. He just wants me to love Him and let that love flow from my life into my actions.
So what would that look like? Well, let's start with church attendance. My attitude should never be to check it off the good Christian list. How insulting! God didn't create church for it to be a "have to" burden for me. He created church for His worship. If I am spending time in His Word during the week, talking with Him daily and recognizing Him in all of my daily actions then come Sunday morning I should be about ready to burst with praise for God. I should wake up Sunday morning saying "This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24.
I should be telling God I can't wait to lift up your name with my brothers and sisters in Christ to exalt you Lord. It's not a "watch me" moment it's a "Praise be to God" moment.
Then comes volunteering. This act can become very selfish very quickly. I have to make sure my pride is taken out and my God is put in its place. The reason I volunteer is because it is an act of worship and service for Jesus. Volunteering is the way God works through His people. If all I want out of volunteering is brownie points from God and man then I don't know my God very well. No where in scripture does it have a brownie point system! It's not what I do! It's how my heart is involved with the service I'm helping with. If my heart is centered on God and what He wants to accomplish through me during my acts of service then I will not want to say "God watch me" because I know He is with me giving me the ability to do what I am doing.
Then comes the giving. Oh the financial giving! Man, that's a topic no one likes to think about. Here are two ways I can approach giving. The first is at the end of the month, after I have bought all I wanted and needed I see what's left I write a check. I put that check in my bible to make sure I don't forget to put it in the offering plate. When the plate comes by I slowly pull that check out and place it in the plate smiling and patting myself on the back because I helped God out... "God watch, your welcome". Let me just say this, God does not need your help. It's not about the money it's about the faith and obedience. The right way is that I calculate my 10% at the beginning of the month and write the check. Sometimes even knowing i may not be able to buy anything fun this month or not sure how a medical bill will get paid. But it's ok because I am using my faith and trusting in God to provide all my needs. It's not a proud moment for me but a humbling one because I can't take care of myself without God's help. I am giving God the opportunity to be Lord of my life and take care of me.
God wants to have a close relationship with me. He doesn't need me to check things off a list or try to make Him look good. If I'm just trying to make myself look impressive then I have got it all wrong. I need to remember that I was a wretched sinner who deserved an eternity away from God but because He loved me (way before I could ever say "God watch") He sent His one and only Son to die a horrible death for me. The least I can do is get to know Him personally. Stop acting like it's all about me and recognize that the God of all the universe wants to talk with me❤️. So it's time for me to grow in my walk with the Lord and stop asking God to "Watch me" but instead ask God to walk with me. Because I want to be able to hear God when He says, "My child, watch Me!"