"Mommy Watch!" is what my daughter says to me a million times a day. Ok, that number may be a little high but if you are a mom of young kids you understand my need to exaggerate. When she hollered "mommy watch" this morning it was to show me how she was going to jump from one step in the pool to the next. Now I'm gonna be honest, it was not an impressive jump at all. It wasn't challenging, life threatening, creative or funny. I'm not honest all the time so I said "good job, I love watching you have fun in the water". I was very sweet and supportive of my children, especially at the age of three. I laughed as I sat by the edge of the pool and then thought " God, do I say the same thing to you?". Hmmmm....guilty!
God began to slowly (and gently) remind me of moments where I have said "God watch!". Going to church sometimes I will catch myself thinking " ok Lord, I'm gonna need some brownie points today because I am tired and the kids are driving me crazy but we are still headed to church" or "Did you see that Lord I volunteered and you know I don't even like kids". The one that really made my stomach turn was when I give financially. It's like I need to make sure He sees that I did the "right" thing and wrote my check. I am grateful for these moments of correction. He is so good to expose my heart issues and the selfishness I need to remove. So after God reminded me of my "God watch!" moments I heard Him say " my child I'm not impressed either". Then this verse came to mind "We have all become like the one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away" Isaiah 64:6.
My spiritual immaturity was showing up, like a child I was needing recognition. Like my three year old I wanted the world to revolve around me. That's not something that you have to teach a three year old. The selfishness comes easy and it's teaching them to think of others that's hard. It's a constant battle to fight my flesh. Some times I just want a reward or maybe just to check it off my list of accomplishments. I love to check things off a list. Makes me feel like I am awesome. I got this all wrong. God doesn't want me to do things out of rewards and recognition. He just wants me to love Him and let that love flow from my life into my actions.
So what would that look like? Well, let's start with church attendance. My attitude should never be to check it off the good Christian list. How insulting! God didn't create church for it to be a "have to" burden for me. He created church for His worship. If I am spending time in His Word during the week, talking with Him daily and recognizing Him in all of my daily actions then come Sunday morning I should be about ready to burst with praise for God. I should wake up Sunday morning saying "This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24.
I should be telling God I can't wait to lift up your name with my brothers and sisters in Christ to exalt you Lord. It's not a "watch me" moment it's a "Praise be to God" moment.
Then comes volunteering. This act can become very selfish very quickly. I have to make sure my pride is taken out and my God is put in its place. The reason I volunteer is because it is an act of worship and service for Jesus. Volunteering is the way God works through His people. If all I want out of volunteering is brownie points from God and man then I don't know my God very well. No where in scripture does it have a brownie point system! It's not what I do! It's how my heart is involved with the service I'm helping with. If my heart is centered on God and what He wants to accomplish through me during my acts of service then I will not want to say "God watch me" because I know He is with me giving me the ability to do what I am doing.
Then comes the giving. Oh the financial giving! Man, that's a topic no one likes to think about. Here are two ways I can approach giving. The first is at the end of the month, after I have bought all I wanted and needed I see what's left I write a check. I put that check in my bible to make sure I don't forget to put it in the offering plate. When the plate comes by I slowly pull that check out and place it in the plate smiling and patting myself on the back because I helped God out... "God watch, your welcome". Let me just say this, God does not need your help. It's not about the money it's about the faith and obedience. The right way is that I calculate my 10% at the beginning of the month and write the check. Sometimes even knowing i may not be able to buy anything fun this month or not sure how a medical bill will get paid. But it's ok because I am using my faith and trusting in God to provide all my needs. It's not a proud moment for me but a humbling one because I can't take care of myself without God's help. I am giving God the opportunity to be Lord of my life and take care of me.
God wants to have a close relationship with me. He doesn't need me to check things off a list or try to make Him look good. If I'm just trying to make myself look impressive then I have got it all wrong. I need to remember that I was a wretched sinner who deserved an eternity away from God but because He loved me (way before I could ever say "God watch") He sent His one and only Son to die a horrible death for me. The least I can do is get to know Him personally. Stop acting like it's all about me and recognize that the God of all the universe wants to talk with me❤️. So it's time for me to grow in my walk with the Lord and stop asking God to "Watch me" but instead ask God to walk with me. Because I want to be able to hear God when He says, "My child, watch Me!"
"This means war!" Is the statement I hear being yelled from my boys room in the afternoons. There is a serious battle going on daily in Legoland. I love hearing how they are the good guys and the bad guys are "going down". I wish they could stay little forever. I wish they would never lose their innocence. But I have to remember God has a bigger plan for each of my kids. His plan involves them growing up day by day to become the Godly men and woman He has called them to be. They don't understand it yet but they will get to battle for the rest of their lives, just not with Legos. The spiritual battle that they fight will never stop. It's a daily fight against the flesh and the evils of this world. But they don't have to fight it alone. That's where Robert and I step in to fight with them.
Hudson is our oldest and will be going into 5th grade. Over the past year we have seen the struggle of keeping our son shielded from the sin of this world. Satan wants to steal my kids innocence, he wants to destroy their child like faith, he wants to teach my kids the ways of the world before I get God's truth into them. You see he is just waiting for me to become confident in my parenting skills and cocky with my rules of being a strict mom but yet a "fun" mom. When I get comfortable and relaxed is when he makes his first move. You never see it coming because you are too busy patting yourself on the back for being good Christian parents. Ugh, he is so sneaky and knows just when to catch me off guard.
Here is the truth. I can't protect my kids from all the evil in this world. It's not possible. But I can equip my kids with Gods truth (no matter how young) and teach them to flee from evil. Reading Gods Word to them daily, praying over them at night and taking them to church is like boot camp. It's getting them ready for the big battles of this world. Talking with them about sex, porn, homosexuality, drugs, alcohol (even though it's awkward) can open up the door of communication with them. I want my kids to hear about those things and how God views them from me not the kids at school or even at church. But most importantly we need to pray for our kids. We need to ask God to show us where we are letting Satan come in and hangout with our kids. It could be the music they listen to, the video games they play, the movies they watch or the kids they hang out with. I want the Holy Spirit to give me discernment about how to talk to my kids and what they need to know about God's standards. I pray for their strength in hard times and growth through bad things that happen. I am their mom but I am also their sister in Christ and I will be a prayer warrior for them till my last breathe! Robert and I have learned so much these last 10 years of being parents and we know there is so much more to come so we are ready to fight...on our knees...cause this means war!!!!!
Last week I had a biopsy done to a spot on my forehead that I knew didn't look right when it showed up on my head 7 months ago. I had made an appointment with our dermatologist for our son to have a little spot on his back checked out. Right before his appointment I asked to look at his back and the spot was gone. I mean it just disappeared. I hate cancelling appointments the day they are scheduled so I decided I would go and have her look and see if everything was ok. When she saw my forehead she immediately said a biopsy needed to be done. Even though I knew it didn't look right I was still upset about having the biopsy done. A few days later the lab results came and I was setting up an appointment to have it completely removed. So sitting in the surgery room I began to think about that spot. How it so easily appeared one day. Much like sin in my life can do. And I tried to cover it up with make up and tell myself it's no big deal. Which I tell myself the same thing about my sin. I try to hide it and tell myself "it's ok Kyla, everyone sins". But like sin that spot was deep down inside my skin. Sin gets deep down in me as well and grows and spreads quickly. I need to react the same way to sin as I did to this spot, GET It OUT! I love how God set the whole thing up with my son so that I would end up going to the doctor. If your like me I don't get excited about going to the doctor. God does the same thing with the sin in my life. My God is the great physician who would love nothing more than to surgically remove the sin from my life. All I have to do is stop ignoring the sin spot and trying to cover it up! I can can make an appointment with God at anytime to remove my sin. Will it hurt? Yea anything that has become apart of you that is removed hurts. Will it leave a mark? Yes, so you can tells other how to have the sin in their lives removed too. It was a great reminder to me that I need the Great Physician to do some surgery on my heart and it's time to get the sin out!!!!!